Ew. Put me out of my misery already.
Just kidding! Deep breaths… Positive energy… Gratitude… Happiness… Love…
Sometimes things happen (good thing I’m here to tell you that, right?). And sometimes bad things happen. And sometimes we’re the cause of those bad things (basically, anyway). Sometimes we lose sight of ourselves, and get caught up in our emotions, and as a result can end up hurting our relationships with people; lovers and friends.
It sucks. But it happens.
It’s important to realize that, being human beings, we just do this. It’s not something that is 100% avoidable, and will probably happen at one point or another – at least once. And since we can’t avoid it, our only option is to learn how to handle it after it happens, in the most skillful way possible.
How, you might ask?
Well, first of all, it’s important to realize what’s going on. Assess the situation, and figure out where you and the other person are coming from, emotionally and mentally speaking. Let’s say you did something stupid that ended up hurting your relationship with your boyfriend, and he’s been holding it against you for a few days and won’t let it go. Take some time to figure out why what you said hurt him, and how it might be affecting him. Try to sympathize with him, and understand how he might be feeling. You should be close enough to him (or whoever it is) to understand how they work, so this step shouldn’t be too hard. Just do your best!
After you’ve done that, you need to forgive yourself. He’s not going to forgive you yet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t forgive yourself. Doing this will completely shift your energy and your relationship to the situation at hand, and will allow you to more effectively and more clearly maneuver through it.
After you’ve done that, you need to approach him, and apologize as sincerely as you can. Let him know that you honestly and sincerely regret hurting him, and that you weren’t acting out of a place of clarity. If you are truly sincere and apologetic, he will see it and sense it. And after that, the rest is up to him. Scary, right? Well I’ll talk about that next.
Let’s say you’re in your boyfriend’s position (I apologize to anyone who is struggling relating to this particular example). You are the one that is hurt, and you feel so victimized that you just won’t let your grudge go (this is a slightly more difficult position to be in, and boy, do I know all about it!). You feel so strongly about the injustice that has been done to you that the idea of forgiving that person seems out of the question. I’ve been in this position many, many, many times, and I know how challenging it can be to bring peace to.
Letting go and forgiveness are going to be necessary, key tools for resolving this situation. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions, and whatever negative thoughts come up regarding the other person, and just feel them. Get angry. Get mad. Get unhappy – but keep it to yourself. Let these feelings come up, exist for a while, and then Let. Them. Go! Be kind to yourself and do yourself a favor by shrugging off all the yucky stuff. It happened, it’s there, you felt it, it’s hung out for a while, now it’s time for it to go. There’s no point holding onto it, and the only thing it’s going to do is cause more harm and more sadness. You may not to practice doing this, because it’s challenging, but it’s an invaluable practice, and something everyone should learn how to do.
After you’ve done that, you need to forgive the other person. Make it clear to them what happened, how it made you feel, how much it hurt you, and anything else that may have come up because of it. You have the right to communicate those things to that person, and it’s important that you do, but only if you are ready to let it go and forgive them.
I hope this was helpful to you, and I hope it helps you resolve some of those nasty situations we can potentially find ourselves in. Don’t underestimate the power of love, forgiveness and communication! Thank you!!